The Starship Titanic: Where Your Money's as Safe as You Are

Tax officials. Revenue audits. Official demands. Compliance officers. Legal proceedings. Court hearings. Criminal bankruptcy. Prison. We know how just plain irksome life can be for the galactic business individual trying to make an honest horrint. And once again, we are here to help.

Starlight Lines has provided, on the Titanic, shipboard banking... with a twist. While your money is on deposit with the Titanic Branch of the Bank of Erewhon, it is safe from prying hands and eyes... wherever they may be. Cyberspace banking? Satellite deposits? Forget them. Trading upon its years of expertise and utilising irrecoverable capital sums deposited by the ill-fated Aldebaran Liberationary Front, the Bank of Erewhon now has an exclusive lease on two contra-orbiting moons in... well, let's just say, a planetary system somewhere in the galaxy.

Utilising the latest Vac-U-Form technology, these moons have been plastaluminised and, thanks to de-coupled Schröding-O-Newt® randomised quantum gravity engines imposing nano-scalar orbital perturbations, act as a pair of stochastic reflectors. Light data representing your deposit status is thus constantly bounced back and forth between the moons, unavailable for claim by any of those authorities who would just love to get their hands on it and waste it on housing projects, welfare, and health provisions for frightfully common people who are, frankly, better off dead.

And the charge for this service? Nothing. The plastaluminum coating is almost perfectly reflective. Almost. The 0.00000001% absorption of money provides all the recompense the bank requires. An almost-free lunch - thanks, once again, to The Ever-Changing Miracle Which Is This Universe of Ours (© Galactic Geographic Magazine/Glutinously Sentimental Headlines Divn. All Rights Reserved.)

 

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